Don't Lock The Keys In The Car
by dyslexic-Carmie
Summary: Poland and Lithuania are driving back from a costume party. Give the car they're driving in a flat and you got a facepalming story.
1. Flat Tire

"I can't believe that nobody could, like, knew, like, what my costume was," Poland complained, looking at Lithuania rather than the road he was driving on.

"Poland, can you please keep your eyes on the road? I don't want us to run over-"

"Like, seriously, it should have been, like, obvious, since I'm totally dressed like Snow White," Poland complained, cutting Lithuania off.

"Poland, you need to have your eyes on the road when you're driving," Lithuania said worryingly.

"How obvious do I, like, need to be? I'm wearing a yellow skirt with a blue shirt. Sure, I don't have the stupid collar thing, but, still, it should be, like, obvious that I'm totally, like, Snow White," Poland ranted ignoring Lithuania.

"The road-"

"I totally should have, like, won that costume contest. Like, what the hell was the winner supposed to be anyway? I totally should have like won that free breakfast at freaking Denny's," Poland complained, cutting Lithuania off in the process, again.

"Can you please just keep your eyes on the road?"

"I should have, like, totally won that freaking free breakfast at Denny's," Poland said as he turned his head to face the road. "If I would have, like, won I would, like, totally eat free pancakes tomorrow for, like, breakfast."

"Okay-"

"I mean, seriously, I've been, like, craving pancakes for, like, awhile now. So, it would have been, like, totally perfect for me to win that freaking free breakfast," Poland complained making a left turn.

"This isn't the right exit," Lithuania said.

"I'm taking a shortcut," Poland stated. "But, seriously, my costume was fabulous."

"Are you sure that this road will take us back-"

"Positive," Poland answered. "Anyways, my costume is totally fabulous, and, I, like, totally should have, like, won the contest."

"Did it just get darker? Are the highlights turned on?" Lithuania worryingly asked as he looked out the front window.

"It's, like, totally crap. I really wanted that freaking breakfast at Denny's. I really should have, like, won that costume contest," Poland ranted, ignoring Lithuania.

"Are the highlights on?" Lithuania asked again. The darkness of the road really worried Lithuania.

"It's, like, so stupid. I bet whoever won isn't going to, like, actually use the free freaking breakfast at Denny's."

"I really think this road way too dark. Are the headlights even turned on?" Lithuania asked again this time a little louder.

"Like, OMG, Liet, why didn't you, like, tell me earlier that I needed to turn on lights?" Poland asked as he switched on the headlights. "I, like, totally could have hit that mailbox. And, it would have totally been, like, all your fault cause you didn't remind me earlier."

"Sorry." Lithuania didn't really want to debate over the fact that he shouldn't have to remind Poland to switch on the headlights at night.

"Like, crashing into that mailbox would, like, totally have ruined the fabulous custom paintjob on my jeep," Poland stated. "If the paintjob would have, like, got totally scratched, I would have to, like, totally make you redo it for me."

"That's not exactly-" Lithuania stopped himself as he heard a strange thumping noise. "Do you hear that?"

"That, like, _thumpthump_ noise? Just, like, ignore it and it will, like, go away," Poland stated.

"I don't think it will go away-"

"Nah, everything, like, goes away in, like, time. Just, like, ignore it," Poland stated cutting off Lithuania.

"I think it's a flat," Lithuania said listening to the thumping noise.

"You're, like, such a worrywart. Just, like, forget it, and it will fix itself."

"We should pull over." Lithuania really didn't understand Poland's logic. How is a flat tire going to fix itself?

"Why? There's, like, nothing on this freaking road and I, like, want to get home."

"Poland, the jeep has a flat tire-"

"OMG, Liet, why didn't you, like, tell me that I was driving with a flat, like, earlier?" Poland apparently didn't get that when Lithuania said flat earlier he was referring to the tire.

"Pull over. You have a spare and a jack, right?"

"IDK, what's a spare and jack?" Poland asked pulling over on the side of the road.

"The jack is used to lift up the car when you change the tire," Lithuania explained.

"Oh, like, I don't like know if I got one of those."

"Don't you have a emergency kit in the back of the car?" Lithuania asked, wondering how Poland even passed drivers education.

"IDK, I don't really know what's back there. The hobbit guy I brought this jeep from might have, like, left like tools like that in the back," Poland said as Lithuania opened the passenger door of the vehicle. "Like, where are you going?"

"I'm going to see if we are going to have to call for help," Lithuania explained unbuckling his seatbelt to leave the jeep.

"Why would we have to, like, call for help?" Poland asked as Lithuania exited the vehicle.

"Yep, that's a defiantly a flat," Lithuania said to himself as he looked at the flat tire. "If there's not a jack and a spare back there, we can't change the tire-"

"You mean that we are going to have to actually, like, change the tire ourselves!"

"If we want to get home, yes. But, if we don't have a jack or a spare, then we'll have to call somebody who does to get the tire changed," Lithuania explained.

"Why can't we just call somebody to, like, do it for us?" Poland asked.

"If there's a jack and a spare in the back, then we really shouldn't annoy somebody to do the job for us," Lithuania said closing the passenger side door shut.

"But, I don't want to change a freaking tire," Poland complained unbuckling his seatbelt, and opening the driver's door to leave the jeep.

"It's not too hard. If you have a jack and a spare, then we can do it," Lithuania said as Poland joined him outside the vehicle.

"My gosh, its, like, freezing out here," Poland slamming his door shut. "Can't we just get somebody to, like, do it for us?"

"We really shouldn't annoy somebody on Halloween night," Lithuania said not wanting to tell Poland that he wouldn't be so cold if he weren't wearing such a short skirt. "Can you please unlock the trunk?"

"Like, whatever," Poland said putting his hands in his pocket to take out his keys. "OMG, where are, like, my keys?"

"Please tell me that you didn't leave the keys in the-"

"OMG, Liet, I think you made me leave the keys in the jeep!"

"Don't panic, I'm sure the door isn't locked yet," Lithuania said as Poland tried to open the door.

"OMG, the doors are, like, locked! And the keys are, like, inside the jeep! And it's, like, freezing out here!"

"Poland, calm down. We can just call for help," Lithuania said as Poland up his hand in his other pocket to take out his cellphone.

"Crap! I, like, left my phone in the car," Poland said looking at his phone sitting in the cup holder from the jeep's window. "You got your phone right?"

"No-"

"What? How do you, like, not have your freaking phone?"

"I left it at the party. Remember, I tried to tell you as we were leaving, but, you didn't listen and kept driving," Lithuania explained.

"This is all, like, totally your fault, Liet! You shouldn't have, like, left your freaking phone at the freaking party!"

"Please calm down. Let's just go find help," Lithuania said turning around to face the road. "Where are we anyway?"

"I don't, like, freaking know! OMG, we're lost!" Poland panicked turning away from the vehicle.

"But, I thought you said that this was a shortcut," Lithuania said turning to look at Poland.

"I don't know. It could, like, be a shortcut. It, like, looked, like, it was a shortcut. IDK, what I was thinking when I turned on this freaking road."

"Oh, goodness, this isn't good," Lithuania mumbled to himself.

"Liet, don't, like, mumble."

"Sorry-"

"Whatever, let's just go get help, before we, like, freeze and die," Poland said surprisingly calm.

"Okay-"

"OMG! Liet, what if we like, freeze and die! That would, like, totally suck!" Poland panicked losing any form of calm he had earlier.

"Calm down! Everything is going to be okay," Lithuania commanded for Poland to calm down. "Let's just walk until we see someplace that looks promising."

"But, that can be, like, hours, and it's, like, freaking cold out here," Poland complied as he they began walking away from the vehicle.

"Well, hopefully the walking will warm us up," Lithuania said hopefully as he put his hands inside his hoodie.

"Like, that's not fair!"

"What is?" Lithuania asked they continued walking.

"Why do you, like, get to have a freaking coat?" Poland complained, "I'm, like, freezing my butt off."

"You could have brought a coat," Lithuania stated as they continued walking.

"Liet, Snow White, doesn't, like, wear a freaking coat," Poland replied.

"Well, do you want me to take my coat off?" Lithuania asked not wanting to point out that Snow White doesn't wear a shirt that exposes her midriff.

"Duh, it would, like, be more fair if we both didn't have coats," Poland stated.

"Fine," said Lithuania pulling his hoodie over his head.

"See, now it's, like, totally fair," Poland said as Lithuania folded his coat over his arm.

"Okay-"

"Like, can I, like, totally see your coat?" Poland asked.

"Why?" Lithuania asked as he handed his coat over to Poland.

"Thanks, Liet," Poland said as he pulled Lithuania's hoodie over his head.

"But-"

"Hey! I think I see a light up there!" Poland said as he began sprinting towards the light.

"Wait for me!" Lithuania called out as he began sprinting after Poland and towards the source of the light.

**A/N**

**Well, this was going to just be a oneshot of Pol and Liet trying to change a tire on Halloween. But a story idea occurred to me while I was writing this. So, I had to take the opportunity.**

**Review to keep me motivated**

**Special thanks, to Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin for Beta reading.**

**E/N**

**Well, it's my first time Beta-Reading in a while. So, I have some words of wisdom for you... "Don't Touch the Bright, Young Things." That is all.**


	2. Rats

"I think this is, like, one of those old-timey grocery store things," Poland said once they made it too the source of the light.

"It looks like a drug store, and it looks liked it's haven't been used in years," Lithuania added, looking at all the spider webs and dust on the railing along the stairs of the building.

"That has to be, like, a very powerful light bulb," Poland stated, looking at the light from inside the building.

"Yeah," Lithuania mumbled, looking at the source of light.

"Mumbling is, like, a bad habit to get, Liet. It like makes you sound, like, totally annoying-sounding."

"Sorry, but is it possible for the source of light to be something other than a light bulb?" Lithuania asked. He didn't want to point out that Poland's overuse of the word 'like' was anxious.

"Like, what do you mean?"

"This building looks ancient and abandoned, so it doesn't really make sense for it to have any source of light coming from it," Lithuania explained.

"IDK. Maybe it's got some homeless guys, like, living in it," Poland explained.

"I don't think so. This building has a health warning sign on the door," Lithuania stated, pulling off a paper stuck to the front door.

"So, that's what that tacky paper is. What's it, like, say?" Poland asked, looking over Lithuania's shoulder to read the health warning.

"As of April 13, 1934, this building is closed due to public health violation law 34B," Lithuania read from the paper.

"34B. What's that, like, mean?" Poland asked, grabbing the paper from Lithuania's hands.

"I don't know. I've never learned any of the health violation laws," Lithuania said as Poland studied the paper.

"Well, like, you should have, like, learned these things," Poland stated rotating the paper in his hands.

"Sorry, I didn't think-"

"Hey, Liet, I think this is a word or something," Poland said, interrupting Lithuania's apology. "Can you, like, read this for me? It's, like, written freakishly tiny."

"Sure. Can you move your finger?" Lithuania asked, looking at the spot on the paper Poland was pointing to.

"Oops," Poland apologized, moving his finger out of the way for Lithuania to be able to read the tiny written word.

"Umm..." Lithuania mumbled to himself, trying to read the word on the paper Poland was holding.

"It's in the top left," Poland stated as Lithuania took the paper from his hands.

"May I take this?" Lithuania asked, not realizing that he already took the paper.

"You already, like did," Poland said in a voice used for mentioning the obvious.

"Right," Lithuania mumbled, staring at the paper closer.

"So, what's it, like, say?"

"It's really small. But, I think the word is 'rats', but, I'm not really sure," Lithuania said, looking up from the paper.

"Rats? As in, like, those creepy rodents?" Poland asked as Lithuania handed him back the paper.

"I'm guessing this place was closed down because it had too many rodents," Lithuania said as Poland put his hand on the doorknob.

"That would, like, totally make perfect sense," Poland added, turning the knob of the door.

"What are you doing?" Lithuania asked Poland fearfully.

"Relax, Liet, I just want to see where the light is totally coming from," Poland said opening the door.

"I don't think that's a good idea. That paper suggested that this building has a rodent problem," Lithuania said as Poland walked though the door.

"You're such a worry-wart. Nothing, like, bad is going to, like, happen. This place is, like, totally abandoned, remember? And, like, the door wasn't, like, locked," Poland stated, gesturing for Lithuania to join him in the room.

"But, what about the rats?" Lithuania asked, putting the paper in his pocket.

"It's, like, night, so, if there's, like, any rats here, then, they're, like, totally sleeping right now," Poland explained, looking around the room for the source of light.

"Wow, this place is completely empty," Lithuania said, joining Poland in the room. He was expecting this place to have at least some kind of furniture in it.

"Hey, where did the source of light go?" Poland asked, realizing that the source of light that brought them here in the first place wasn't anywhere to be found.

"That's funny, I thought I just saw it a second ago," Lithuania added looking around the empty room.

"OMG! Do you think the light was, like, some sort of spiritual ball thingy?" Poland panicked, spinning around to face Lithuania.

"I don't believe in the abnormal. Maybe we just imaged the whole light being here in the first place," Lithuania answered, not quite sure what the answer was.

"Then, why did we, like, sprint all this way? We had to have, like, seen something from the jeep to, like, run here in the first place," Poland asked Liet.

"Well-" Lithuania cut himself off when he heard a squeaking noise. "Do you hear that? Please tell me that I'm not just imaging that horrible noise."

"You're not going crazy. I'm totally hearing it too," Poland answered in a very spooked, yet calm, voice.

"I think we should get out of here," Lithuania said as turned around to walk out the door.

"Ditto on that," Poland agreed as he turned around as well.

Before they could walk out the door, the door slammed shut and loud clicking noise was heard, as if the door just locked itself.

"Please, tell me that I just imaged the door closing," Lithuania said in an over-the-top calm voice one might use to keep from freaking out.

"I wish I could, but, I totally just saw it, too," Poland said using the same, calm tone Lithuania was using.

"Strange."

Before they could say anything else, all the windows in the old drug store slammed shut, making the room even darker then before.

"I imaged the windows slamming closed right?" Lithuania asked Poland.

"If you did, then, we are, like, both losing it, 'cause, I, like, totally saw that happen too," Poland explained.

"I guess that means we're stuck in here," Lithuania said still in that overly calm voice.

"Totally fun," Poland added, using the same tone as Lithuania.

The loud noise of the squeaks began to increase in numbers. It was like the room was suddenly filling with millions of hideous rodents.

"I would say turn on the lights, but, I don't think that I would want to see all the rats," Lithuania said, faking calmness.

"Like, totally, they're probably like really ug-" Poland said before he suddenly felt a rat crawling up his leg, "OMG! SOMETHING IS CRAWLING ON ME! LIET, GET IT OFF!"

"How can I get it off if I can't even see it?" Lithuania asked panicking. He had joined Poland in losing any form of calmness they were faking.

"JUST DO SOMETHING!" Poland screamed as another rat began crawling up his other leg.

"Ugh," Lithuania mumbled, moving around panicky. "What do I do?"

"I DON'T KNOW! JUST GET THEM OFF ME!" Poland screamed again. Rats must really like bad Snow White costumes because none of them were crawling up Lithuania.

"Ugh," Lithuania mumbled, looking for something helpful in pockets.

"I THINK ONE'S ON MY HEAD!" Poland screamed again as Lithuania found a flashlight in one of his pockets.

"Don't panic," Lithuania said, turning on the flashlight.

"HOW CAN I NOT PANIC?" Poland screamed as even more rats climbed up his legs.

"Oh, my dear goodness," Lithuania mumbled; now beginning able to see all the rats on the floor and crawling on Poland.

"LIKE, DO SOMETHING!" Poland pleaded as Lithuania just froze in shock.

Before Poland could scream again, or Lithuania could do anything, a very large wave of rats knocked over both of them. The wave was so powerful and the rats were so plentiful, that if Poland and Lithuania tried to scream anything, a rat would get stuck in their month before a noise could be heard. This was truly a nightmare.

**A/N**

**The key word is nightmare.**

**Special Thanks to Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin for Beta-Reading and being awesome. Y'all people should really go check out her stuff. It's amazing!**

**E/N**

**Not much to say, except that chapter one of a **_**Great Gatsby **_**parody is coming soon, starring Austria as Tom Buchanan, Hungary as Daisy Buchanan, Prussia (yes, Prussia) as Jay Gatsby, and England, Canada (who is that?), or America as Nick Carraway (the narrator).**

**BTW, for all you "One Piece: Parallel Works" fans out there, the new rivals to the Capricorns will be introduced in the next chapter.**

**Peace, since, every day, I'm NOT shuffling, as I can't stand "Party Rock Anthem" AND the shuffling dance.**


	3. Waking Up

"Hey, like, Liet, wake up," Poland said as he set the breakfast tray on the nightstand next to Lithuania's bed.

"Rats," Lithuania mumbled, turning over in his sleep.

"Seriously, Liet, you don't even look cute when you're freaking asleep. You got your mouth, like, open and you're, like, drooling and stuff. It's totally disgusting. Get up!" Poland demanded as he sat down on the bed Lithuania was sleeping on.

"I…never…wanted…to…go," Lithuania mumbled, turning over in his sleep again.

"Liet! Get the crap up! You're, like, getting drool everywhere," Poland demanded, putting his hands on Lithuania's shoulders.

"Rats…are…everywhere," Lithuania mumbled in his sleep as Poland began shaking him by the shoulders.

"Why are you, like, so unresponsive? Get up! Sleep time is, like, over," Poland said as he continued shaking Lithuania by the shoulders.

"Rodents…health violation," Lithuania mumbled, still in deep sleep, as Poland continued shaking him.

"OMG! How are you, like, still asleep? Get the crap up already," Poland said, letting go of Lithuania's shoulders.

"I…never…wanted... rodents," Lithuania said in his sleep.

"You're really not cute when you're sleeping," Poland said, standing up from the bed.

"Darkness…rodents…rats…locked doors," Lithuania said, turning in his sleep.

"Maybe I should, like, get like a bucket of water," Poland said as he put his hands on his hips. "Water is, like, cold and stuff so that might, like, be able to, like, wake you."

"Locked…doors…locked…windows…rodents," Lithuania mumbled, too deep in sleep to hear Poland's threats of dumping cold water on him.

"Well, I'm going to, like, get some, like, really cold water and stuff," Poland said as he began walking towards the door. "If you, like, get up, like, now I won't have to, like, dump water on you."

"Poland…don't…ever…take…me," Lithuania mumbled, still too deep in sleep hear the threat of cold water.

"Are you, like, dreaming about me?" Poland asked, suddenly interesting about what Lithuania was mumbling about. "That's, like, so romantic and stuff!"

"I…really…don't…like…rats…Poland," Lithuania mumbled as Poland sat back down on the bed.

"This is so cute, totally! Maybe you are kinda adorable in your sleep," Poland cheered, obviously not listening to everything Lithuania was saying in his sleep.

"Rodents…rats…locks…Poland."

"This is so, like, totally adorable! You're, like, dreaming of me! I love it!"

"Save…me...rats…everywhere."

"Adorable! So freaking cute! Now you, like, want me to, like, save you. You're, like, so freaking cute in your sleep, Liet."

"Poland…rodents…I…don't like…it," Lithuania mumbled, turning over in his sleep again.

"OMG! You, like, said my name again! This is, like, so totally cute and stuff," Poland cheered while Lithuania continued stirring around in his sleep.

"Flat tire…keys…locked…in…car…rodents…everywhere."

"What you're, like, mumbling now is, like, so totally boring. Say, like, my name again," Poland said, beginning to lose some interest in Lithuania's sleep talk.

"Flat tire…health violation…rats…giant rats."

"Okay, this is, like, getting boring. Say my name again, or, like, wake up," Poland said, not really realizing that Lithuania can't hear the choice in his sleep.

"Rodents are…my…least…favorite…vegetable," Lithuania said in his sleep as Poland stood up from sitting on the bed.

"You are, like, so not cute in your sleep anymore. Either be adorable and say, like, my name in your sleep again or wake up," Poland said, putting his hands on his hips again.

"Poland…rats…are…everywhere," Lithuania mumbled bringing back Poland's interest.

"Like, yay! You said my name! Do it again!" Poland cheered, clapping his hands while jumping up and down.

"Poland…I…want…Belarus…save me…Belarus."

"Did you just, like, say that fugly slut's name?" Poland asked as he stopped jumping up and down and clapping in response to suddenly losing interest.

"Belarus…thanks," Lithuania said in his sleep not tossing and turning this time. Perhaps his dream stopped being a nightmare.

"Like, what the freaking hell, Liet! You are so, like, totally not cute in, like, your sleep!" Poland screamed, spinning around to leave the bedroom. "Like, I'm so going to dump water on, like, your face. And it's going to, like, be freezing cold water!"

"I…love…you…Belarus," Lithuania mumbled in sleep as Poland slammed the bedroom door open.

"It's going to be, like, freezing cold water!" Poland yelled leaving the bedroom.

"Sure…I'll…love…to shop…at Target…with you…Belarus," Lithuania said in his deep sleep. What the hell is Lithuania dreaming about anyway?

After a few more minutes of Lithuania mumbling stupid things about Belarus and kittens in his sleep, Poland finally came back with a bucket of cold water.

"Okay, Liet, I really don't want to, like, do this. So, I'm going to give you, like, one more chance to wake up on, like, your own," Poland said holding the bucket of cold water over Lithuania's head.

"Belarus…you…are…so beautiful."

"OMG! Belarus is, like, not hot!" Poland cried as he dumped the bucket of cold water on Lithuania.

"What happened? Why am I wet? I was having such a good dream. What happened?" Lithuania asked sitting up now awake.

"I, like, totally saved you from a nightmare about a fugly slut," Poland said, setting the bucket down on the ground.

"What?" Lithuania asked pushing the wet blankets off his body.

"You, like, really shouldn't, like, talk in your sleep," Poland stated.

"Oh," Lithuania said embarrassed.

"Like, yeah. Promise me that I, like, won't have to ever, like, dump water on you when you're, like, sleeping again."

"Huh?" Lithuania asked, standing up from the wet bed.

"Like, totally promise me that you won't have dreams about that fugly slut again," Poland demanded, picking up the breakfast tray he put on the nightstand earlier.

"Okay, I promise you that I wouldn't have dreams about 'that fugly slut' again," Lithuania promised, hoping that Belarus wasn't what Poland was calling a "fugly slut".

"Great!" Poland cheered pleased. "I, like, made you like breakfast, but I think it might be, like, cold now, cause it, like, took me a long time to, like, wake you up."

"Thanks."

"Well, I guess that you can't, like, have it, like, in bed since the bed is all, like, wet now. So, I guess that you'll have to, like, eat it in the kitchen or, like, living room or something," Poland said turning around to leave the bedroom.

"Oh, Poland, before you go, can you promise me something?" Lithuania asked stopping Poland from leaving the room.

"Depends on what it, like, is."

"Promise me that you won't ever lock your keys in your vehicle," Lithuania said, remembering his horrible nightmare before it turned into a good dream.

"Like, why would I, like, do something stupid like that?" Poland asked, opening the door to leave the bedroom.

"I don't know. Just promise me that you won't ever lock your keys in the car."

"If I promise you that, will you, like, come eat this, like, totally fabulous breakfast I made you?'

"Yes."

"Then I, like, totally promise you that I, like, wouldn't ever, like, lock my keys in, like, my car," Poland promised.

**A/N**

**The End! So, I'm not sure why it took me so long to write the ending. But hey I finished. The ending could have been better, but whatever.**

**Anyway, special thanks to my beyond fabulous beta reader, Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin. Seriously, people I never meant, go read her epic stories. I recommend her Gatsby Parody. I like it more then I care to admit.**

**E/N**

**Remember, kids, don't lock your keys in your car, or we WILL find you. JK**


End file.
